(Inspiration Gears of War, Halo 3, and Call of Duty 4)
1. Scream and cuss at the TV while cursing the video game Gods for “Lag”.
2. Cupping your hands to your faces saying you sniped the other guy first. (Sorry buddy if he didn’t die while blood squirts out of their head or drop to the ground rambling various noises that sound like constipation he capped you.)
3. Look at your friend sitting next to you and say, “Why the hell do you suck so bad…”
4. Scream frantically and ask why your friend who doesn’t even own the game how they have 40 more kills than you without screen looking.
5. Throw your controller across the room.
6. Kick a hole in your door.
7. Tell your friend if he doesn’t stop screen looking you will kick his ass.
8. End up getting so annoyed with your screen looking friend you buy another TV and console and system link in different rooms. (While victoriously laughing in his face mocking that now he instantaneously sucks.)
9. Pull an Angry German Kid…enough said. (If you have no idea what that is try looking it up on youtube.)
10. Ask yourself why the game developers put such gay noob weapons in the game.
11. Blame noobs for using the noob weapons too much.
12. Decide that a random combination of weapons is a noob combo. (Plasma Pistol+ Battle Riffle and Mauler+Melee *cough*)
13. Find a way to cheat because you suck so bad you need the extra edge. (Crab walk)
14. Lower your UpNp on your router in order to lag because you need to teleport behind people in order to get a kill.
15. Blame your friend asking why he killed you when you weren’t looking. (If the control is in your hand and your staring at the screen your fair game.)
16. Ask how a physics engine could be so gay that it lets you shoot through walls.
17. Blame all of your online teammates for not getting enough kills and completely sucking. (Maybe they weakened them and you stole the kill, ever think that.)
18. Yell you stole my kill! (If it was your kill it wouldn’t have added to my score.)
19. Complain that you ran out of bullets. (Maybe you shouldn’t have wasted them all aimlessly, aiming takes skill you know.)
20. Saying that your tactic of swirling your crosshair in a circle is flawless and only about 10% of the bullets hit.
21. If your teammate is shooting someone, blowing both of them away with a rocket launcher is not recommended. The result you scratching your head wondering why you didn’t get a kill. Betrayed much…
22. Dieing and seeing no one there is a result of two things someone killed you way far away or the person is invisible. This doesn’t give you an excuse to cry.
23. Telling people you are a noob is embarrassing, however you’re only a noob if you haven’t owned the game for half a frickin year.
24. In the result that you shoot someone in the head and they don’t die, if you continue trying and you consistently see blood squirting out of their head yet they can still walk…its lag don’t waste like six clips on him and then complain that you have to reload thus you die.
25. Stabbing someone in the neck usually kills them but if it doesn’t, attempting to sue Infinty Ward for a faulty product is just going to get you laughed at.
26. Dying and shouting at the TV doesn’t make it better the TV feels your pain but cant help you.
27. When being faced by a player classified as an Uber Nerd (can easily be spotted when everyone only has 3 kills and this individual has 30) try saving your pride and running away, because usually running IN provides you with an instant death and you end in the bathroom cutting your wrists
28. Blaming Gamer Fuel for your lack of performance is ridiculous.
29. Banging your head on the TV saying Gamer Fuel advertised better game playing yet while looking at your rank you still see noob flickering on the screen.
30. Throwing your nachos across the room when someone kills you from behind gives the outcome of you screaming over the mike “I WAS EATING TARD!”
31. Its sad if you screaming catch phrases while dieing.
32. More pathetic is usually you make these catch phrases while your waiting to respawn…so you must die a lot.
33. No matter how cool you think your catch phrase is, shouting “That’s a superior level of gay” makes you sound like a moron over your mike.
34. Talking trash is only a way to yell to the world “I SUCK!”
35. If your friend uses you as a shield on Legendary obviously they trust you to protect them, not to physically harm you by throwing your phone at their head.
36. Cooking a grenade and holding it like its your lover has dire consequences. This also means we will be seeing you on the news because you dropped kicked your brother through a wall.
37. People who are always noobs at the game usually deal with it, just because you’ve been one for “six months” doesn’t mean you can light cars on fire and say the game made you do it as the cops cuff you.
38. Kids there’s a difference between shooting aliens in DOOM and shooting kids in your school. The second only causes pain jerk off’s.
39. Threatening to stab yourself because you couldn’t beat the Flood on Legendary only gets you a one-way ticket to the psyche ward.
40. Playing a game online and losing every time does not give you bragging rights towards your classmates saying you can pwn them
41. Saying “pwn them” just lets them know you have no idea how to play.
42. Laughing because you wasted 7 hours of your life planning an elaborate suicide still ends in you dying in your game. What fun is that?
43. People who tap into their artistic abilities and can draw a self-portrait of themselves with weapons and warthogs obviously have no online skill.
44. When stating a level and you dies in a bloody spray of bullets, most likely trying it that same way over and over will just get you to a point of overwhelming that you snap at anyone who talks to you. Chill pills.
45. Hiding while the your teammate AI’s take out the enemy is a poor excuse to what you believe is “gaming”.
46. If a grenade stocks to you…rolling on the floor while in the fetal position, pulling on your hair, while mumbling how something o gay can be put in a game is a great way to await your utter demise.
47. Taking a sip of beer every time you respawn isn’t healthy.
48. Yelling at your girlfriend to get the hell away from you because your getting pwned by Xmas noobs makes you a pathetic soul.
49. In the result of you getting Tea-Bagged trying to hunt down that person and only that person to avenge yourself with a gratify Tea-Bag is excusable.
50. Obviously it takes someone who has died a lot to write this…hope you got some laughs.
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